September 22, 2013

Surrender


"Surrender" That phrase can mean so many different things to so many different people. For me today. I just surrender my plans, my goals, my dreams. Living this creative life has been quite a ride so far. Yet, I constantly am asking "what's next".  This has been my constant thought ever since my son was born almost 3 years ago. Every time I think I have given it to God and am resting in him my mind slowly starts to get back into the mode of planning my next creative risk. But here's the thing.. it's exhausting. It is absolutely exhausting to try to figure out what will work and what people will like. I have played with the idea of doing online classes, a subscription based class for kids (online), product development ( t-shirts for example), art licensing, selling on etsy, continuing to build the franchise side of P'zazz, there are so many ideas and options that I just don't know where to start or what to focus on. And for each one of these things I have dabbled in the field.I have not just thought about it but I have actually researched the idea, tested the market, devoted time and energy to explore the idea. And it's just exhausting. God has often reminded me that he didn't show me his plan for me to open P'zazz until just 5 months before it actually happened. He gave me the vision around January 2007 and we opened the doors in June. I have complete faith in his timing.. yet I am also impatient and want to know what I should be working on now to get to the goal of where my next step is taking me. 
God knows my heart and my desire. I fully desire to glorify him. I desire to have a positive impact on everybody I come into contact with and everybody my art comes into contact with. I pray for my influence to be expanded and my art to be able to truly help a lot of people. 
Personally, I already have everything I need. I don't desire any more material things. I don't need more clothes or a bigger house. I just want my life to be used in a big way. I want my art to be used in a big way. I want my life to be so obviously used by Jesus that nobody can doubt his goodness or his power. 
So God.. I just surrender. Take this career, do with it what you will. I know you want to use me even more than I want to be used. So just take it Lord. Use me God.

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